...Window$ 95 lähdekoodin:
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Windows 95 Source Code
Warning: do not compile; unpredictable results
Subject: *** TOP SECRET MICROSOFT CODE ***
Project: Version - Windows 95
Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE):
#include
#include
#include /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
#include /* For the court of law */
#define say(x) lie(x)
#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
#define next_year soon
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version
void main()
{
if (latest_window_version>one_month_old)
{
if (there_are_still_bugs)
market(bugfix);
if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_blank_BUGLESS_VERSION);
}
while(everyone_chats_about_blank_version)
{
make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in
lie.h */
if (rumours_grow_wilder)
make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
{
market_time=ripe;
say("It will be ready in one month);
order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_blank_version);
order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
vapourware=TRUE;
break;
}
}
switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
{
case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
say("It will be ready in", today 30_days," we're just testing");
break;
case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
say("Yes it will work");
ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
pretend(there_is_no_problem);
break;
case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"
" the 32 bits architecture");
inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");
inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant"
"'cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs");
inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");
get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
break;
case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for
everyone");
register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
when(time_is_ripe)
{
arrest(journalist);
brainwash(journalist);
when(journalist_says_windows_95_is_bugfree)
{
order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");
release (journalist);
}
}
break;
}
while (vapourware)
{
introduction_date ; /* Delay */
if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
break;
say("It will be ready in",today ONE_MONTH);
}
release(beta_version)
while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)
{
bills_bank_account = 150*megabucks;
release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
introduce(more_memory_requirements);
if (customers_report_installation_problems)
{
say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem");
if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
{
ignore(customer);
order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on this
bastard");
}
}
if ( bills_bank_account>skyhigh && marriage>two_years )
{
divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her);
wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);
marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
if (boobies_start_to_hang)
dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
}
if (there_is_another_company)
{
steal(their_ideas);
accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas);
hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
buy_out(other_company);
}
}
/* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at
us */
order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);
buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);
laugh_at(everyone,
for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);
}
void bugfix(void)
{
charge (a_lot_of_money)
if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");
if (still_complaints)
{
ignore(customer);
register(customer, big_Bill_book);
/* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/
}
}
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Windows 95 Source Code
Warning: do not compile; unpredictable results
Subject: *** TOP SECRET MICROSOFT CODE ***
Project: Version - Windows 95
Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE):
#include
#include
#include /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
#include /* For the court of law */
#define say(x) lie(x)
#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
#define next_year soon
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version
void main()
{
if (latest_window_version>one_month_old)
{
if (there_are_still_bugs)
market(bugfix);
if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_blank_BUGLESS_VERSION);
}
while(everyone_chats_about_blank_version)
{
make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in
lie.h */
if (rumours_grow_wilder)
make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
{
market_time=ripe;
say("It will be ready in one month);
order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_blank_version);
order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
vapourware=TRUE;
break;
}
}
switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
{
case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
say("It will be ready in", today 30_days," we're just testing");
break;
case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
say("Yes it will work");
ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
pretend(there_is_no_problem);
break;
case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"
" the 32 bits architecture");
inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");
inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant"
"'cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs");
inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");
get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
break;
case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for
everyone");
register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
when(time_is_ripe)
{
arrest(journalist);
brainwash(journalist);
when(journalist_says_windows_95_is_bugfree)
{
order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");
release (journalist);
}
}
break;
}
while (vapourware)
{
introduction_date ; /* Delay */
if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
break;
say("It will be ready in",today ONE_MONTH);
}
release(beta_version)
while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)
{
bills_bank_account = 150*megabucks;
release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
introduce(more_memory_requirements);
if (customers_report_installation_problems)
{
say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem");
if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
{
ignore(customer);
order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on this
bastard");
}
}
if ( bills_bank_account>skyhigh && marriage>two_years )
{
divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her);
wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);
marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
if (boobies_start_to_hang)
dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
}
if (there_is_another_company)
{
steal(their_ideas);
accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas);
hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
buy_out(other_company);
}
}
/* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at
us */
order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);
buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);
laugh_at(everyone,
for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);
}
void bugfix(void)
{
charge (a_lot_of_money)
if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");
if (still_complaints)
{
ignore(customer);
register(customer, big_Bill_book);
/* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/
}
}
Vastaukset 4
Vanhimmat
tosivanha!
...Ja tämä ei ole tosivanha $$
/**
* (c) 2007 Misrocoft Corp.
* All rights reserved
*/
#include
class WindowsVista extends WindowsXP implements Nothing
{
boolean beta = true;
WindowsVista()
{
checkIfHardwareIsCompatible();
/** Ok. The idiot seems to have some high end hardware.
* Lets make his life miserable
*/
runInternetExplorer7();
}
void checkIfHardwareIsCompatible()
{
/*
* Lets make sure that half the world cannot run this OS while
* we fix all the bugs
*/
if((installedRam < 2GB) && (processorSpeed < 4GHz))
{
MessageBox("Your System does not seem to be capable of running zero err.. aero glass and the like. Please upgrade the hardware and try again.");
WaitTillPoorGuyReadsTheMessage();
bsod();
}
}
void runInternetExplorer7()
{
IE7 ie7 = new IE7();
ie7.featureSet = firefox_features
safari_features
opera_features lot_of_bugs;
ie7.run();
WaitWhileThePoorGuyLooksAtTheNewInterface();
bsod();
}
/**
* return true when product is stable.
*/
boolean isReadyForRelease()
{
int lastReportedNumberOfBugs = 3457888E 08
int totalNoOfNewFeatures = 600;
boolean readyForRelease = false;
sendFeatureSetToMarketingGuys();
while (marketingGuysAreAtIt)
{
Thread fixBugsWhileInBeta = new fixBugsWhileInBeta();
fixBugsWhileInBeta.assignProgrammer(oneBug);
fixBugsWhileInBeta.start();
if(programmersAreNotSufficient)
{
hireFromXBOXDivision();
}
if(aMonthHasPassed)
{
announce("Windows Vista Consumer Version Will be delayed by one more month");
dropAFewFeatures();
totalNoOfNewFeatures = totalNoOfNewFeatures - 10;
}
/** Boss strictly told me that we should have no more than * 7000 bugs
* when we ship the item
*/
if(lastReportedNumberOfBugs-- == 7000)
return true;
}
}
int main(void)
{
WindowsVista vista = new WindowsVista();
vista.runWindowsXP();
return plentyOfMoneyforBilly;
}
}
Data loss prevention whitepapers dowload
Here we go:
/*
GNOT General Public License!
(c) 1995-2007 Microsoft Corporation
*/
#include “dos.h”
#include "win95.h"
#include “win98.h"
#include “sco_unix.h"
class WindowsVista extends WindowsXP implements Nothing
{}
int totalNewFeatures = 3;
int totalWorkingNewFeatures = 0;
float numberOfBugs = 345889E O8;
boolean readyForRelease = FALSE;
void main {
while (!CRASHED) {
if (first_time_install) {
if ((installedRAM < 2GB) ||
(processorSpeed < 4GHz))
{
MessageBox("Hardware incompatibility error.");
GetKeyPress();
BSOD();
}
}
Make10GBswapfile():
SearchAndDestroy(FIREFOX|OPENOFFICEORG|ANYTHING_GOOGLE);
AddRandomDriver();
MessageBox("Driver incompatibility error.");
GetKeyPress();
BSOD();
}
//printf("Welcome to Windows 2000");
//printf(Welcome to Windows XP");
printf (“Welcome to Windows Vista”);
if (still_not_crashed){
CheckUserLicense();
DoubleCheckUserLicense();
TripleCheckUserLicense();
RelayUserDetaitsToRedmond();
DisplayFancyGraphics();
FlickerLED(hard_drive);
RunWindowsXP();
return LotsMoreMoney,
}
}
ei tarvitse kenenkään hakkeroida: niitä on Miksrosoftin tehtaitten taitavien, ykkösluokan ohjelmoijien toimista julkaistu jo useitten kymmenien vuosien ajan. Siksi herättääkin asiantuntijapiireissä hieman atk-kummastusta, miksi tuossa ei ollut ensimmäistäkään täydellisen Windowsin funktioista käytetty. Kysymyksessä lienee jonkun toisen luokan ohjelmoijan viritys marginaalikäyttöjärjestelmän distroksi, munputu 0.0.00.0: ksi