A nurse has recorded the most common regrets of the dying, and among the top ones is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'. What would your biggest regret be if this was your last day of life?
There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'.
Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."
Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill
of a work existence."
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."
What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?
There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'.
Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."
Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill
of a work existence."
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."
What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?
Vastaukset 4
Vanhimmat
ei yllättänyt minua. Elämä jää helposti elämättä ja huomio kiinnittyy toisarvoisiin asioihin. Silti jokainen elää parhaansa mukaan, vaikka toisilla onkin paljon selvitettävää... että selviää päivästä päivään.
Tapasin läheisen sukulaisen vähän ennen hänen kuolemaansa ja tuo sitten kysymään olenko naimisissa. Kun vastasin, että en ole, niin totesi siihen, että ehkä se on hyvä asia. Sellaista.
Ei sua kukaan huolisikaan.
No sitä parempi sitten. En ole vaaravyöhykkeellä.
Sairaanhoitaja on kirjattu yleisin pahoittelee kuolevan, ja joukossa niitä on "Olisinpa ollut työskennellyt niin kovasti". Mitä sinun suurin valitettavaa on, jos tämä on teidän viimeinen päivä elämässä?
Ei ollut mitään mainintaa enemmän seksiä tai benji-hyppyjä. Palliatiivinen hoitaja on neuvonut kuolinvuoteen päivinä on paljastanut yleisin pahoittelee meillä lopussa elämämme. Ja joukossa, mistä miehet erityisesti on "Toivon etten ollut työskennellyt niin kovasti".
Bronnie Ware on australialainen sairaanhoitaja, joka vietti useita vuosia työskennellyt lievittävä hoito, hoitaa potilaita viimeisen 12 viikon elämäänsä. Hän äänitti kuolee oivalluksia on blogi nimeltä Inspiration ja Chai, joka keräsi niin paljon huomiota, että hän laittoi hänet havaintonsa kirjan nimeltä Top Five pahoittelee of Dying.
Ware kirjoittaa ilmiömäinen selkeyttä että ihmiset saavat lopun elämänsä, ja miten voimme oppia heidän viisautensa. "Kun kysyttiin kaikista pahoillaan he olivat tai mitä he tekisivät toisin", hän sanoo, "yhteisiä teemoja pintaan uudestaan ja uudestaan."
Seuraavassa on viisi pahoittelee kuolevan, mikä näkyy Ware:
1. Olisinpa ollut rohkeutta elää elämää tosi itselleni, ei elämää toisten odottaa minulta.
"Tämä oli yleisin pahoillaan kaikesta. Kun ihmiset ymmärtävät, että heidän elämänsä on melkein ohi ja muistella selvästi, se on helppo nähdä kuinka monta unelmat ovat menneet toteutumatta. Useimmilla ihmisillä ei ollut noudattanut edes puolet heidän unelmansa ja täytyi kuolla tietäen, että se johtui valintoja he olivat tehneet, tai ei tehdä. Terveys tuo vapauden hyvin harvat ymmärtävät, kunnes ne eivät enää ole sitä. "
2. Olisinpa ollut työskennellyt niin kovasti.
"Tämä tuli kaikilla miespotilas, että olen imenyt. He menettivät lasten nuorten ja heidän kumppaninsa toveruudesta. Naiset myös puhui tästä pahoillani, mutta useimmat olivat vanhempi sukupolvi, monet naispotilaista ei ollut elättäjien. Kaikki miesten I imetti syvästi pahoillaan kului niin paljon elämänsä juoksumatolla
teoksesta olemassaolon. "
3. Olisinpa ollut rohkeutta ilmaista tunteitani.
"Monet ihmiset tukahdutti tunteensa säilyttääkseen rauhan toisten kanssa. Tämän seurauksena he tyytyivät keskinkertainen olemassaolon ja ei koskaan tullut, keitä he olivat todella mahdollista tulla. Monissa kehittyneissä sairaudet liittyvät katkeruus ja kauna he kantoivat seurauksena. "
4. Kunpa olisin jäänyt kosketuksen kavereiden kanssa.
"Usein he eivät todella ymmärrä täyden hyödyn vanhoja ystäviä, kunnes heidän kuolla viikkoa ja se ei ollut aina mahdollista seurata niitä alas. Monet olivat tulleet niin kiinni omassa elämässään, että he olivat avulla kultainen ystävyyssuhteita liukua yli vuoden. Siellä oli paljon syviä pahoillaan siitä ei anneta ystävyyssuhteita aikaa ja vaivaa, että he ansaitsivat. Jokainen kaipaa heidän ystäviään, kun he kuolevat. "
5. Toivon, että olisin antanut itseni olla onnellisempi.
"Tämä on yllättävän yhteinen. Monet eivät ymmärrä loppuun asti, että onni on valinta. He jäivät jumiin vanhoihin malleihin ja tapoihin. Ns comfort-tuntemus tulvillaan niiden tunteita, sekä fyysisen elämää. muutoksen pelkoa oli niitä teeskennellen muille, ja heidän selves, että he olivat tyytyväisiä, kun syvällä, he kaipasivat nauraa kunnolla ja on typeryyttä heidän elämänsä uudelleen. "
Mikä on teidän suurin valitettavasti toistaiseksi, ja mitä te esitetään saavuttaa tai muuttaa ennen kuolemaasi?