Käyn etälukiota joten ei ole oikein ketään keltä kysyä, mutta kuinka pahoja virheitä osuu silmään kirjoitelmastani? Tai sanoja jotka eivät sovi lauseyhteyteen. Olisi hyvä ottaa opikseen :)
A concert I’ll never forget
It was summer 2009 when I got to the concert which I never thought to go.
Story began when I was seeing this one dude for a while.
Our relationship was open and we didn’t interfere with each others other relationships.
At that night I suppose I was different from others with my shabby shirt.
Because we hadn’t thought that we would have bug of going anywhere.
But for some reason we drifted in one corner pub
I sat sober on bar desk and my date went somewhere when some foreign came to talk to me
I noticed that he got something else on his mind than just a chat
And of course I made the most of it and I let him understand but I didn’t understand to let.
We chat this and that and soon solved out that he was Bruce Springsteen’s The E Street Bands superior.
When my date came back I told him that Brian had also a Harley on his yard
Men found common interest and finally we went to after party on my dates motorbike garage.
I flirted with Brian and suddenly he asked if I wanted to come to the concert with him.
Actually I had never liked Bruces music but it wasn’t my nature to refuse when there was a new experience waiting for me.
Brian asked my number and promised to call in the very next day.
Wonder of wonders he called me and told that I could come to pick up my VIP pass from the hotel
I was exited. Not ’cause I could join the concert but that’s why that i got there free and valued company.
Evening was fun on its own way, but I think I was only one who didn’t enjoy the music.
But of course I didn’t tell it for Brian
he also would wanted to spend a night with me but i had a son already and i had to go home with him.
After that summer Brian called me every time when he came for gig in Finland or in Swedish
I wonder how he remembered me through all those years and called and emailed me.
But during that year I had had a spouse and I never couldn’t go anymore.
At sometimes I wonder what if I could spend that night with him or what if I had gone every time he asked. Would I have American dream now?
A concert I’ll never forget
It was summer 2009 when I got to the concert which I never thought to go.
Story began when I was seeing this one dude for a while.
Our relationship was open and we didn’t interfere with each others other relationships.
At that night I suppose I was different from others with my shabby shirt.
Because we hadn’t thought that we would have bug of going anywhere.
But for some reason we drifted in one corner pub
I sat sober on bar desk and my date went somewhere when some foreign came to talk to me
I noticed that he got something else on his mind than just a chat
And of course I made the most of it and I let him understand but I didn’t understand to let.
We chat this and that and soon solved out that he was Bruce Springsteen’s The E Street Bands superior.
When my date came back I told him that Brian had also a Harley on his yard
Men found common interest and finally we went to after party on my dates motorbike garage.
I flirted with Brian and suddenly he asked if I wanted to come to the concert with him.
Actually I had never liked Bruces music but it wasn’t my nature to refuse when there was a new experience waiting for me.
Brian asked my number and promised to call in the very next day.
Wonder of wonders he called me and told that I could come to pick up my VIP pass from the hotel
I was exited. Not ’cause I could join the concert but that’s why that i got there free and valued company.
Evening was fun on its own way, but I think I was only one who didn’t enjoy the music.
But of course I didn’t tell it for Brian
he also would wanted to spend a night with me but i had a son already and i had to go home with him.
After that summer Brian called me every time when he came for gig in Finland or in Swedish
I wonder how he remembered me through all those years and called and emailed me.
But during that year I had had a spouse and I never couldn’t go anymore.
At sometimes I wonder what if I could spend that night with him or what if I had gone every time he asked. Would I have American dream now?
Vastaukset 7
Vanhimmat
Aika paljon virheitä, esim. artikkelien käytössä ja varsinkin s-genetiivissä. Välimerkkejä puuttui, joten oli välillä vaikea seurata. Myös ihan adjektiiveja ja substantiivien kanssa vaikeuksia, esim. Ruotsi maana Sweden, ei Swedish. Ehkä jollekin kurssille ok, mutta esim. yo-kokeessa ei kovin pitkälle pötkittäisi.
Ihan hyvin menee kurssilla, koska teksti on ihan ymmärrettävää. Paljon paremman näköistä tekstiä on kuin itselläni! Riippuu tietysti mitkä on omat tavoitteet, mitä numeroa tavoittelee jne.
Käytät liikaa I kirjantq , kirjoita penellä. Tarkista the-sanan käyttö ja pilkkusäännöt
-- älä käytä pilkkulyhennöksiä.
I kirjoitetaan englannissa aina isolla.
Käyn itse lukion toista vuotta ja itselläni alkoi juuru ENA6-kurssi. Tarkistin tekstin parhaani mukaan. Virheitä löytyi melko paljon, mutta sinä voit kehittyä luonnollisesti vielä paljon. Tarkoitukseni ei missään nimessä ole pilkata sinua tai kielitaitojasi, vaan kannustaa tekemään töitä kirjoitutaitojen parantamiseksi. Mitä kursseja olet suorittanut?
1. Kouluaineet pitäisi kirjoittaa viralliseen tyyliin, johon eivät kuulu sanat kuten dude ja sanoja ei pitäisi lyhentää puhekielen tyyliin kuten because --> 'cause
2. Oikeiden prepositioiden käyttö on tärkeää. Väärä prepositio voi joskus muuttaa jopa koko lauseen tarkoituksen toiseksi.
3. Artikkeleiden ja s-genetiivin käyttö on hieman hukassa.
4. Englannin pilkutussäännöt poikkeavat suomen pilkkusäännöistä huomattavasti. "When in doubt, leave it out"
5. Virkkeesi ovat melko lyhyitä ja osa niistä on pelkkiä sivulaiseita, jotka eivät saisi esiintyä yksinään. Tämä luo kirjoitelmaan hieman listamaisen tunteen. Lauseet ikäänkuin töksähtävät.
Olen käynyt yhden kurssin ennen tätä ja kritiikki on vain hyväksi kun kielen oppimisesta on kyse :) Kiitos kaikille jotka olette viitsineet vastata! 9 sain viime kurssista ja peruskoulussakin englanti aina ollut vahva 9 mutta nyt on vaan päässyt jotenkin ruostumaan kaikki tieto. Haluaisin voida sanoa vielä jonain päivänä olevani oikeasti hyvä kielissä :)
Have bug of going anywhere - en ymmarra, ei mitaan jarkea.
Some foreign, po. some foreigner
I didn't understand to let - ei jarkea.
on my date's motorbike garage, ei kai autotalli ole ajoneuvo?
i had a son already and i had to go home with him = minulla oli jo poika ja minun piti lahtea kotiin hanen kanssaan
Tassa vahan valittuja paloja, en jaksa kaikkia virheita korjata. Jos tasta jonkun yhdeksan saa niin en voi muuta kuin ihmetella.
t.usalainen