I'm currently facing a for me rather troublesome situation, and I desperately need to sort it out, because I'm starting to fear for my own health. Don't worry, I'm not suicidal in any way, but as it is, I cannot sleep and I have no appetite. It's been mighty good as a diet though, I've lost about nine pounds in just over a week, mostly because I've tried to get my mind off it by exercising.
The thing is this: when I was in eigth, or ninth, grade (I was just a child anyway) I got *very* interested in a girl in my class. I never told her anything, because she was always involved with others, and there were also some other factors playing in (me not being very popular etc etc). After finishing ninth grade (almost twelve years ago now (!)) we went to seperate schools, but our paths in life have crossed now and then, but we've never met for longer times than us exchanging a few words. On these occasions I've never tried to "confess" anything to her, because I've usually had some reason to believe that she was in a relationship, and I always run into her when I least expect it and I'm hence taken by surpise, and then don't know how to act. The last few years I hadn't seen her at all, until this spring, when I learned that she had moved to same town as I now live in. Then one morning last week we happened upon each other in town, and we happened to be going the same way, so we made company for a few minutes, and this is what has subsequently caused the degradation of my health (mental mostly :), because I can't make myself free of the feeling that I should at least try to do something about this situation, but for some reason I still hesitate, even though I realise I in some ways actually have an obligation to myself, and maybe even not only to myself, to do something about it. I know, I know, I should have asked to see her again when I saw her that morning last week, but she was in a hurry and I was walking on small clouds of cotton, and to be honest, I didn't dare to. Please call me a pathetic coward, because I am. However, I've later on found her e-mail address, and thus I now know how to contact her.
One thing I've realised about myself is that I really suck at observing the would-be tell-tale signs that women supposedly send when they are interested. The only woman I've ever "had", or rather the only one that has ever had me, told me later that she was signalling her interest as clearly as she possibly could, but I sure didn't see it, so she ended up seducing me. There have also been other occasions, when people around me have told me afterwards that some girl was coming on to me, without me ever realising it. Now, how is this relevant? Well, for some reason I got a faint impression last week when I met this secret fling from the past that she might actually not be completely uninterested, because she was happy and talkative and all. But then again, as far as I know and as far as I remember, she's like that with everyone, because she's just such a wonderful person. What is more, having once been in the same class, isn't it just part of common courtesy to talk to your old class mates, even though we really didn't know each other that well?
I suppose I do know what I should do; either I should contact her, or I should at least try to forget her, but I should not forget her without even trying, because it would be foolish to waste an opportunity for something great. This leaves me with only one option, so why am I writing here? Well, I guess I just want somebody to help me find the courage I need, and I would also be happy for advice on whether or not she might think me using her e-mail address, without her ever giving it to me, as inappropriate in any way. I don't even know if she's currently single or not, although I suspect she might be, because at these later occasions I've always seen her by herself. How would YOU react, depending on your situation (single or not, interested or not, or perhaps never even having considered the possibility, etc) if you got an e-mail in a situation like this?
It's not that I'm unable to live a good life by myself, because I am, although it does get somewhat lonely at times; it's that I feel I want this so much more, but still I hesitate.
Also, I feel I really can't trust my own judgement on this, because I tend to glorify her and raise her high in the sky without even really knowing her, and I might just see what I want to see, because I want it so much. Relevant is also that I've never experienced love - infatuation yes, but nothing that I would describe as (mutual) love - and lacking the experience, and also because of the earlier mentioned "blindness," I doubt myself when it comes to being able to make her (or anyone, for that matter) happy, and her happiness is one of the most important things in all this. But life is all about defeating your fears, right?
Sorry, this got really long ... and sorry for spilling my guts like this, but I had to get it out of my system in some way.
Oh yeah, one thing more, I do understand Finnish, but I'm writing in English because I wasn't sure I would be able to make myself completely understood in Finnish. Please feel free to comment in either language, or even in Swedish if you wish :)
"Better late than never?"
P.S.
There's also another thing I've been wondering, and this question is mainly directed to all the female readers out there: is there any truth in the saying that a woman knows when a man is in love with her, and that often before the man knows it himself?
The thing is this: when I was in eigth, or ninth, grade (I was just a child anyway) I got *very* interested in a girl in my class. I never told her anything, because she was always involved with others, and there were also some other factors playing in (me not being very popular etc etc). After finishing ninth grade (almost twelve years ago now (!)) we went to seperate schools, but our paths in life have crossed now and then, but we've never met for longer times than us exchanging a few words. On these occasions I've never tried to "confess" anything to her, because I've usually had some reason to believe that she was in a relationship, and I always run into her when I least expect it and I'm hence taken by surpise, and then don't know how to act. The last few years I hadn't seen her at all, until this spring, when I learned that she had moved to same town as I now live in. Then one morning last week we happened upon each other in town, and we happened to be going the same way, so we made company for a few minutes, and this is what has subsequently caused the degradation of my health (mental mostly :), because I can't make myself free of the feeling that I should at least try to do something about this situation, but for some reason I still hesitate, even though I realise I in some ways actually have an obligation to myself, and maybe even not only to myself, to do something about it. I know, I know, I should have asked to see her again when I saw her that morning last week, but she was in a hurry and I was walking on small clouds of cotton, and to be honest, I didn't dare to. Please call me a pathetic coward, because I am. However, I've later on found her e-mail address, and thus I now know how to contact her.
One thing I've realised about myself is that I really suck at observing the would-be tell-tale signs that women supposedly send when they are interested. The only woman I've ever "had", or rather the only one that has ever had me, told me later that she was signalling her interest as clearly as she possibly could, but I sure didn't see it, so she ended up seducing me. There have also been other occasions, when people around me have told me afterwards that some girl was coming on to me, without me ever realising it. Now, how is this relevant? Well, for some reason I got a faint impression last week when I met this secret fling from the past that she might actually not be completely uninterested, because she was happy and talkative and all. But then again, as far as I know and as far as I remember, she's like that with everyone, because she's just such a wonderful person. What is more, having once been in the same class, isn't it just part of common courtesy to talk to your old class mates, even though we really didn't know each other that well?
I suppose I do know what I should do; either I should contact her, or I should at least try to forget her, but I should not forget her without even trying, because it would be foolish to waste an opportunity for something great. This leaves me with only one option, so why am I writing here? Well, I guess I just want somebody to help me find the courage I need, and I would also be happy for advice on whether or not she might think me using her e-mail address, without her ever giving it to me, as inappropriate in any way. I don't even know if she's currently single or not, although I suspect she might be, because at these later occasions I've always seen her by herself. How would YOU react, depending on your situation (single or not, interested or not, or perhaps never even having considered the possibility, etc) if you got an e-mail in a situation like this?
It's not that I'm unable to live a good life by myself, because I am, although it does get somewhat lonely at times; it's that I feel I want this so much more, but still I hesitate.
Also, I feel I really can't trust my own judgement on this, because I tend to glorify her and raise her high in the sky without even really knowing her, and I might just see what I want to see, because I want it so much. Relevant is also that I've never experienced love - infatuation yes, but nothing that I would describe as (mutual) love - and lacking the experience, and also because of the earlier mentioned "blindness," I doubt myself when it comes to being able to make her (or anyone, for that matter) happy, and her happiness is one of the most important things in all this. But life is all about defeating your fears, right?
Sorry, this got really long ... and sorry for spilling my guts like this, but I had to get it out of my system in some way.
Oh yeah, one thing more, I do understand Finnish, but I'm writing in English because I wasn't sure I would be able to make myself completely understood in Finnish. Please feel free to comment in either language, or even in Swedish if you wish :)
"Better late than never?"
P.S.
There's also another thing I've been wondering, and this question is mainly directed to all the female readers out there: is there any truth in the saying that a woman knows when a man is in love with her, and that often before the man knows it himself?
Vastaukset 3
Vanhimmat
Hi!
Your text was so long that I only read the first and the last chapter. It`s not cool for you to be in that situation mentaly. So I success, no I`m TELLING you to go for it! Because if it wasn`t nothing, then you would have forgot her a long time ago. And you can see how life keeps taking you to same place. Please, write to her email address. Tell the truth. And about that last question, do women know, I`m not quite sure but I believe it could be that women knows.
First... one question: are you single? ... Second one: is she single? Your "story" was quite a long one, so perhaps I missed something along the way.. ;-)
Anyway, if you both are free and single, then my advice is: go for it... go ahead and write her an e-mail, ask her out for a cup of coffee or something. That´s always a start :-) Maybe you let her know your telephone number, and let her do the calling...? Atleast, you´ll find out if she´s interested of not.
If you like her, let her know... If she likes you back, she´ll let you know ;-) And if there´s nothing romantic at all involved, atleast you´ve tried... Maybe you two become great friends, you´ll never know... you know ;-)
Best of luck to you... if you´re burnin´ -> head for the flames! You can either win or lose, but that´s just life :-)
really! this thing will never stop hunting you untill you actually do something about it.
i speak so 'cause i know so.
Email is ok,it's not too much nor li'll.
I think women know when a male is interested.