Dear employees,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of
economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put
workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be
eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the
SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A
person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as
Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for
Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel
Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not
be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management. Persons who are not
RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High
Intensity Training) as possible.
Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives
employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT,
please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been
trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Management
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of
economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put
workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be
eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the
SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A
person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as
Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for
Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel
Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not
be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management. Persons who are not
RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High
Intensity Training) as possible.
Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives
employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT,
please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been
trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Management
Vastaukset
Vanhimmat
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