Ei kestä kahta tuntia pidempään.
Dokumentoi redditiin näin:
" Last night I was bored and was talking with a friend on skype about her experiences with online dating. I was joking with her that "girls have it easy on dating sites" etc. etc. I had never really done anything in the online dating world but I had set up a real profile a few years back and didn't use it much aside from getting a few nice messages and decided it wasn't really for me. But, as I said, I was bored, so I decided that I would set up a fake profile. Set it up as a gender-swapped version of me essentially see what would happen.
So I did the username, and I was up. Before I could even fill out my profile at all, I already had a message in my inbox from a guy. It wasn't a mean message, but I found it odd that I would get a message already. So I sent him a friendly hello back and kind of joked that I hadn't even finished my profile, how could he be interested, but I felt good because I thought I was right that "girls have it easy"
I finished setting up my profile, used a picture of my friend for the profile pic with her permission, and said I was interested in Long term dating/short term dating and was good to go. I thought I would check on it in about 24 hours. But before I could even close the tab another message was received. It was another guy who seemed nice asking how I was doing and I messaged him back staying as neutral and as uninterested as possible without being mean. I was about to leave again, but I was kind of curious now, so I waited another minute, and sure enough, a third message popped up (also I feel this is a good point to say that my friend would be the first to say she's a pretty average looking girl). I messaged him back, but before I could send, I had gotten a reply from the first guy, so I had to do that, then a reply from the second guy.
So fine, people are interested in going out with me. Then I got another message that opened with a line that while not wholly vulgar, kind of came off a little strange. I ignored it and went back to send the message to person three now. Before I could send it, I got a followup message from Mr.4 which was needlessly sexual in nature. I continued to ignore him and finished. I then began to have some small-talk with some guys (remember this is like minute 20 of having the profile up) and all of the conversations kind of get weird.
One of the guys becomes super aggressive saying he is competitive and he will treat me right, the other is asking for my phone number telling me he is lying in bed and the conversation (without me steering it) is turning increasingly sexual in nature though I tell him I'm not comfortable with it. Then I got the NoStringsAtttached messages, with multiple guys sending me messages asking me to watch them cam, or meeting up with them within the hour, or talk with them on the phone or cyber. I would say no and they usually didn't take it too well.
At first I thought it was fun, I thought it was weird but maybe I would mess with them or something and freak them out and tell them I was a guy or something, but as more and more messages came (either replies or new ones I had about 10 different guys message me within 2 hours) the nature of them continued to get more and more irritating. Guys were full-on spamming my inbox with multiple messages before I could reply to even one asking why I wasn't responding and what was wrong.
Guys would become hostile when I told them I wasn't interested in NSA sex, or guys that had started normal and nice quickly turned the conversation into something explicitly sexual in nature. Seemingly nice dudes in quite esteemed careers asking to hook up in 24 hours and sending them naked pics of myself despite multiple times telling them that I didn't want to.
I would be lying if I said it didn't get to me. I thought it would be some fun thing, something where I would do it and worse case scenario say "lol I was a guy I trolle you lulz"etc. but within a 2 hour span it got me really down and I was feeling really uncomfortable with everything. I figured I would get some weird messages here and there, but what I got was an onslaught of people who were, within minutes of saying hello, saying things that made me as a dude who spends most of his time on 4chan uneasy. I ended up deleting my profile at the end of 2 hours and kind of went about the rest of my night with a very bad taste in my mouth.
I came away thinking that women have it so much harder than guys do when it comes to that kind of stuff. "
Alkuperäinen teksti sivulta:
http://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/1uqym6/as_a_guy_i_wanted_to_know_what_it_was_like_to_be/
Ei samalla tavalla vaikeaa, mutta ei helppoakaan.
Dokumentoi redditiin näin:
" Last night I was bored and was talking with a friend on skype about her experiences with online dating. I was joking with her that "girls have it easy on dating sites" etc. etc. I had never really done anything in the online dating world but I had set up a real profile a few years back and didn't use it much aside from getting a few nice messages and decided it wasn't really for me. But, as I said, I was bored, so I decided that I would set up a fake profile. Set it up as a gender-swapped version of me essentially see what would happen.
So I did the username, and I was up. Before I could even fill out my profile at all, I already had a message in my inbox from a guy. It wasn't a mean message, but I found it odd that I would get a message already. So I sent him a friendly hello back and kind of joked that I hadn't even finished my profile, how could he be interested, but I felt good because I thought I was right that "girls have it easy"
I finished setting up my profile, used a picture of my friend for the profile pic with her permission, and said I was interested in Long term dating/short term dating and was good to go. I thought I would check on it in about 24 hours. But before I could even close the tab another message was received. It was another guy who seemed nice asking how I was doing and I messaged him back staying as neutral and as uninterested as possible without being mean. I was about to leave again, but I was kind of curious now, so I waited another minute, and sure enough, a third message popped up (also I feel this is a good point to say that my friend would be the first to say she's a pretty average looking girl). I messaged him back, but before I could send, I had gotten a reply from the first guy, so I had to do that, then a reply from the second guy.
So fine, people are interested in going out with me. Then I got another message that opened with a line that while not wholly vulgar, kind of came off a little strange. I ignored it and went back to send the message to person three now. Before I could send it, I got a followup message from Mr.4 which was needlessly sexual in nature. I continued to ignore him and finished. I then began to have some small-talk with some guys (remember this is like minute 20 of having the profile up) and all of the conversations kind of get weird.
One of the guys becomes super aggressive saying he is competitive and he will treat me right, the other is asking for my phone number telling me he is lying in bed and the conversation (without me steering it) is turning increasingly sexual in nature though I tell him I'm not comfortable with it. Then I got the NoStringsAtttached messages, with multiple guys sending me messages asking me to watch them cam, or meeting up with them within the hour, or talk with them on the phone or cyber. I would say no and they usually didn't take it too well.
At first I thought it was fun, I thought it was weird but maybe I would mess with them or something and freak them out and tell them I was a guy or something, but as more and more messages came (either replies or new ones I had about 10 different guys message me within 2 hours) the nature of them continued to get more and more irritating. Guys were full-on spamming my inbox with multiple messages before I could reply to even one asking why I wasn't responding and what was wrong.
Guys would become hostile when I told them I wasn't interested in NSA sex, or guys that had started normal and nice quickly turned the conversation into something explicitly sexual in nature. Seemingly nice dudes in quite esteemed careers asking to hook up in 24 hours and sending them naked pics of myself despite multiple times telling them that I didn't want to.
I would be lying if I said it didn't get to me. I thought it would be some fun thing, something where I would do it and worse case scenario say "lol I was a guy I trolle you lulz"etc. but within a 2 hour span it got me really down and I was feeling really uncomfortable with everything. I figured I would get some weird messages here and there, but what I got was an onslaught of people who were, within minutes of saying hello, saying things that made me as a dude who spends most of his time on 4chan uneasy. I ended up deleting my profile at the end of 2 hours and kind of went about the rest of my night with a very bad taste in my mouth.
I came away thinking that women have it so much harder than guys do when it comes to that kind of stuff. "
Alkuperäinen teksti sivulta:
http://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/1uqym6/as_a_guy_i_wanted_to_know_what_it_was_like_to_be/
Ei samalla tavalla vaikeaa, mutta ei helppoakaan.
Vastaukset 10
Vanhimmat
Joo, on tosi vaikeaa olla niin suosittu.
Etkö lukenut vai etkö ymmärtänyt?
Ymmärsin, että joku redditin valkoritari keksi taas uuden tavan puolustaa kaverinaisten kunniaa kaveripillun, jota ei tule saamaan, toivossa. Pitäkäämme hiljainen hetki hänen käyttämättömyyttään surkastuvan siittimensä muistolle.
Vaikka on pitkä niin lukekaa, etenkin palstan miehet.
Pari juttua;
-miehen ei kuulukaan tuntea muuta kuin vastenmielisyyttä toisen miehen seksuaalista lähestymistä kohtaan
-miehen pahoinvointi saattoi johtua osittain hänen omasta petkutuksestaan ja huonosta omatunnosta
-mies luultavasti paisutteli huonoja kokemuksia diplomaattisessa tarkoituksessa, koska ei halua tulla ammutuksi viestintuojana (eli sanoa naisilla olevan helpompaa)
Jos nainen saa yhdenkin 'asiallisen' yhteydenoton kuukaudessa, on se kuitenkin 12 kertaa enemmän kuin miehellä vuodessa.
Miten mies voi voittaa, kun edes hyvin laadittuihin viesteihin saa vain satunnaisesti vastauksia? Avatuista keskusteluista aika harva johtaa treffeihin ja hyvin harvoille treffeille tulee jatkoa. Kun on tarpeeksi pitkään yrittänyt ilman tulosta, niin personoituja viestejä ei jaksa enää lähettää. Miten sitten voi enää erottautua spämmääjistä?
Naisen "kustannus" on sietää spämmäystä ja valita epämääräisestä joukosta potentiaalisia kumppaneita. Jotta mies pääsee seulasta läpi, pitää olla paperilla hyvä ja erottautua viestillään spämmääjistä. Sekään ei välttämättä riitä, jos naisen postilaatikossa on jo odottamassa kymmeniä viestejä ihan kivoilta miehiltä.
Miehistä ja miesten huomiosta on niin paljon ylitarjontaa, että nettitreffit eivät toimi kenellekään.
Ratkaisu: miehet lopettavat spämmäämisen ja lähestyvät vain niitä naisia, joiden kriteereihin oikeasti mahtuvat
=> naiset saavat vähemmän viestejä
=> naiset lukevat myös profiilitekstit
=> naiset joutuvat jopa tekemään aloitteita.
Ihan omalla käytöksellään miehet ovat nykytilanteen aiheuttaneet.
No eipä se tunnu auttavan mitään. Olen muutamaa poikkeusta lukuun ottamatta tehnyt aloitteita sellaisille naisille, joiden kriteereihin itse mahdun.
Oikeastaan varman vastauksen saan vain kirjoittamalla fiksun viestin 10 vuotta vanhemmalle keski-ikäiselle naiselle. Olen ihan mielenkiinnosta kokeillut onnistuuko noin paremmin kuin lähellä omaa ikää olevien naisten kanssa. En aivan mahdu näiden naisten hakemaan ikähaarukkaan, mutta he ovat yleensä varsin mielellään viestitelleet ja lähtisivät treffeillekin.
Kyllä minun pitäisi "paperilla" olla ihan hyvä saalis. Sitten kun keskusteluyhteys on saatu auki, niin olen saanut varsin positiivista palautetta ulkonäöstä ja kaikesta muustakin. On jopa ihmetelty, että miksi olen vielä vapaana. Oman ikäisten naisten kiinnostus vaan ei tunnu kantavan ja mikään ei riitä.
Tuskin väärien naisten yrittäminen on syy nuorten miesten heikkoon menestykseen nettitreffeillä. Se voi ehkä koskea varattuja keski-ikäisiä miehiä, jotka etsivät nuorta naista.
Eli itsekin syyllistyt tuohon "spämmäilyyn" kun lähettelet viestejä testimielessä. Ei yhtään ihme että nettideiteissä on paljon vähemmän naisia kuin miehiä.
Miten sinnä onnistuit lukemaan tuosta, että harrastan spämmäystä? Olen viestitellyt ja käynyt jopa treffeillä muutaman huomattavasti vanhemman naisen kanssa ja nämä ovat kaikki tykänneet minusta.
Muutaman naisen kanssa viestittely ei oikein käy spämmäyksestä, etenkään kun en feikannut mitään. Olin alusta asti avoin ja kerroin, että minulle ei ole kuin ongelmaisia tai epäsopivia tarjolla nuoremmissa ja ajattelin katsoa voiko tutustuminen johtaa mihinkään vähän vanhemman naisen kanssa.