Today was a day that movie tickets were almost free. There was a French movie that placed to the First World War, so I went to see it after my school, since that kind of movies are very rare. However, it was more like a romantic film, and there was many young couples, but I was without company. Somehow the feeling of loneliness stroke on me heavily, and I'm not happy at all at this very moment. I'm sorry, Fan, that I write such bad text, but as funny as it sounds, you're the only one at present whom I dare to tell what my heart feels.
Let me tell some story. In 2002, I bought German militaly passports from the First World War. One had little sticky dirt on back, but I was exited to read a real historic document. I speak only little German, but I understood this soldier had been shot, and I realized the dirt was originally a blood stamp! But luckily, I found records after the war, so he survived. But another passport had no relief. There was a small piece of paper as a report. In July 18th 1917, the soldier got a bullet to stomach, and died two days later. He was only 19, not married. It was really terrible, since I saw his name, street address, height, and so on. I thought is human life only worth of that fast written piece of paper? Anyway, that small event made me to hate war so much and it really changed me forever. It brought me a reality that is very far away thing at present.
Sorry, but I believe such thing as happiness doesn't exist. Or if it does, then I'm not blessed with it. Life is just one big line of sufferings and desperation. Right now, I feel so lonely that only the hell can offer. I feel I will be alone for my all life, because everyone scares my difference that I'm actually a 19th century person. It is amazing how much girls seems to be interested in me at first sight, but they also seem to think I have some skeletons in my closet when I don't have a girlfriend. Well, I'm the master of the first sight, but after that, I'm too unexperiented with girls to go forward, or maybe I'm just a discusting person. Anyway, maybe I have to accept my destiny that after the heavy year of 1999, I won't have a girlfriend ever in my life. Well, it's nothing new to me, and I'm like a living dead. Sometimes I think I would be extremely loyal and gentle towards my future girlfriend, and how great happiness it would be if I could really love a girl as much as she loves me. But the world doesn't work like that, girls doesn't trust me, but they trust them who cheats the girls. I feel like if I would have some feelings, they would be worth of mud in face to the world. Well, anyway, I don't believe that any girl could ever accept me, I've lost my hope. I'm the person whom everyone hates, even my family and friends............................
I don't know, sorry, that I write all this but I'm so sad now. Sorry, Fan, no need to reply, actually I don't even know why I write, but anyway, take a good care of your self, Fan.
Walker of the distant paths, as like Gilgamesh,
Mikael
Let me tell some story. In 2002, I bought German militaly passports from the First World War. One had little sticky dirt on back, but I was exited to read a real historic document. I speak only little German, but I understood this soldier had been shot, and I realized the dirt was originally a blood stamp! But luckily, I found records after the war, so he survived. But another passport had no relief. There was a small piece of paper as a report. In July 18th 1917, the soldier got a bullet to stomach, and died two days later. He was only 19, not married. It was really terrible, since I saw his name, street address, height, and so on. I thought is human life only worth of that fast written piece of paper? Anyway, that small event made me to hate war so much and it really changed me forever. It brought me a reality that is very far away thing at present.
Sorry, but I believe such thing as happiness doesn't exist. Or if it does, then I'm not blessed with it. Life is just one big line of sufferings and desperation. Right now, I feel so lonely that only the hell can offer. I feel I will be alone for my all life, because everyone scares my difference that I'm actually a 19th century person. It is amazing how much girls seems to be interested in me at first sight, but they also seem to think I have some skeletons in my closet when I don't have a girlfriend. Well, I'm the master of the first sight, but after that, I'm too unexperiented with girls to go forward, or maybe I'm just a discusting person. Anyway, maybe I have to accept my destiny that after the heavy year of 1999, I won't have a girlfriend ever in my life. Well, it's nothing new to me, and I'm like a living dead. Sometimes I think I would be extremely loyal and gentle towards my future girlfriend, and how great happiness it would be if I could really love a girl as much as she loves me. But the world doesn't work like that, girls doesn't trust me, but they trust them who cheats the girls. I feel like if I would have some feelings, they would be worth of mud in face to the world. Well, anyway, I don't believe that any girl could ever accept me, I've lost my hope. I'm the person whom everyone hates, even my family and friends............................
I don't know, sorry, that I write all this but I'm so sad now. Sorry, Fan, no need to reply, actually I don't even know why I write, but anyway, take a good care of your self, Fan.
Walker of the distant paths, as like Gilgamesh,
Mikael
Vastaukset 1
Vanhimmat
I felt as if my husband was talking through your writing. That must be exactly what he has been feeling when he was alone in this strange country without any friends and all seemd so alien to him. He was alone, sad and he thought he would die into this coldness, without finding anyone decent and kind to like him, but he did found someone... and I'm sure you will too. Just keep looking and you'll find her, even if it seems impossible her to like you, don't give up. that is how our story begun.