Shit !!!

Thank you for ansvering and understanding me.

What i remeber from last time and it wasn´t by choice then, was that i didn´t like it at all. Especialy when i was quite silent among strangers often didn´t had anything to discuss. And really didn´t could connect with other people (I was allways the quiet one sitting in a corner).Though i open up about on my self easy, but i find it rude to be egocentric and don´t like to tell too much of my own life. By the way who really cares anyway. :)

So i never found any female company whithin 6 yrs. I was too odd, for anyone to want to sit down and talk. Those who did didn´t seemed to enjoy my company (i´m a quite good listener but arn´t wery good to get people to open up to tell own stories). In the end of my singleness i even started to cut my self now and then. Stupid? Yeah wery but i did it. Then this woman found me and we liwed together for 5 yrs. Until one day ca. about 4 month ago when she left a letter for me to read (in short) that she dosent feel for mee anymore. She wanted to seek up her old romance in, guess where? Yepp thats right, Turkey. She had been thinking of him for a while but had no clue if he was alive or where he was livin today ( think she has found him now with some local help and MSN). Now i don´t want to re live my old long singelness once again.

I don´t like it cause im still that socially handicapped person that i once was. Though in second hand i´m not the same person ether. But now of course i have some other heavy luggage instead and that´s i´m not sure whether i will trust a new parners honesty. Oh this came out to be much txt sooo boring for any reader

And yes, i can assure you your own state of mind is going to change. Got only one hint for you on the way, for your relationship and that is. Stay open for eachother. Be honest to eachother about feelings and even routines that annoyes you both. Its better to be open than to choose to build thins up to something that bursts many years later in separation. :) Thomas

Thomas kirjoitti:

Thank you for ansvering and understanding me.

What i remeber from last time and it wasn´t by choice then, was that i didn´t like it at all. Especialy when i was quite silent among strangers often didn´t had anything to discuss. And really didn´t could connect with other people (I was allways the quiet one sitting in a corner).Though i open up about on my self easy, but i find it rude to be egocentric and don´t like to tell too much of my own life. By the way who really cares anyway. :)

So i never found any female company whithin 6 yrs. I was too odd, for anyone to want to sit down and talk. Those who did didn´t seemed to enjoy my company (i´m a quite good listener but arn´t wery good to get people to open up to tell own stories). In the end of my singleness i even started to cut my self now and then. Stupid? Yeah wery but i did it. Then this woman found me and we liwed together for 5 yrs. Until one day ca. about 4 month ago when she left a letter for me to read (in short) that she dosent feel for mee anymore. She wanted to seek up her old romance in, guess where? Yepp thats right, Turkey. She had been thinking of him for a while but had no clue if he was alive or where he was livin today ( think she has found him now with some local help and MSN). Now i don´t want to re live my old long singelness once again.

I don´t like it cause im still that socially handicapped person that i once was. Though in second hand i´m not the same person ether. But now of course i have some other heavy luggage instead and that´s i´m not sure whether i will trust a new parners honesty. Oh this came out to be much txt sooo boring for any reader

And yes, i can assure you your own state of mind is going to change. Got only one hint for you on the way, for your relationship and that is. Stay open for eachother. Be honest to eachother about feelings and even routines that annoyes you both. Its better to be open than to choose to build thins up to something that bursts many years later in separation. :) Thomas

I’m glad that you are able to write down about you.

You say that you didn’t connect to people. I was thinking about and I insist that the problem comes from your childhood and seems to be repeating itself now. Maybe your parents have told you: don’t talk to strangers, quite often? I don’t know if it’s a true fact or no, I’m just guessing, but grew up with this mantra, you carried it with you into adulthood. You probably applied it to your life in such a careful way that you had become carefully and painfully disconnected with people? Like somewhere deep inside you do not trust them? Let me tell you, by me - it’s a tragedy by all means. I mean, I meet children on the streets who have already learned by watching parents that can’t trust anybody. When a little baby 1-2 years look you in the eye, they smile back. :) But, by 3 years old, they mirror the adults they grew up with (like parents etc), so babies are closed off and suspicious and that is what they have been taught. The tragedy of this, the tragedy of child who becomes closed off to loving smiles at an early age, is your personal call to action now. People around are so overwhelmed by fear of other people that we have lost our ability to connect to each other as brothers and sisters, to love our neighbours etc., when we are afraid to touch each other?

You may learn again, as adult, what you are born knowing. You may learn to open your heart to strangers. You may rediscover how to connect to people. Just smile; seldom say, hei, moi to strangers. To meet people, we need an opening. When I smile and say, hey and the other person does nothing to accept my presence, saying anything more is an interruption into the world of someone who clearly does not want me in it, so I'm just trying to take it easy without feeling culpable about it.

As for your ex-woman, who has betrayed your trust, I think maybe that Turkish guy was her biggest love of her life? If so, well, things happen, you may forgive her. Forgive is better, because that way you’ll feel better about your own self. And forget.

Thank you for an advice, but my current situation with that guy is more difficult than average and untypical…

my thoughts kirjoitti:

I’m glad that you are able to write down about you.

You say that you didn’t connect to people. I was thinking about and I insist that the problem comes from your childhood and seems to be repeating itself now. Maybe your parents have told you: don’t talk to strangers, quite often? I don’t know if it’s a true fact or no, I’m just guessing, but grew up with this mantra, you carried it with you into adulthood. You probably applied it to your life in such a careful way that you had become carefully and painfully disconnected with people? Like somewhere deep inside you do not trust them? Let me tell you, by me - it’s a tragedy by all means. I mean, I meet children on the streets who have already learned by watching parents that can’t trust anybody. When a little baby 1-2 years look you in the eye, they smile back. :) But, by 3 years old, they mirror the adults they grew up with (like parents etc), so babies are closed off and suspicious and that is what they have been taught. The tragedy of this, the tragedy of child who becomes closed off to loving smiles at an early age, is your personal call to action now. People around are so overwhelmed by fear of other people that we have lost our ability to connect to each other as brothers and sisters, to love our neighbours etc., when we are afraid to touch each other?

You may learn again, as adult, what you are born knowing. You may learn to open your heart to strangers. You may rediscover how to connect to people. Just smile; seldom say, hei, moi to strangers. To meet people, we need an opening. When I smile and say, hey and the other person does nothing to accept my presence, saying anything more is an interruption into the world of someone who clearly does not want me in it, so I'm just trying to take it easy without feeling culpable about it.

As for your ex-woman, who has betrayed your trust, I think maybe that Turkish guy was her biggest love of her life? If so, well, things happen, you may forgive her. Forgive is better, because that way you’ll feel better about your own self. And forget.

Thank you for an advice, but my current situation with that guy is more difficult than average and untypical…

...In fact yu´re quite close with those guesses of yours except the thing about being told don´t talk to strangers. Never actually heard that at home,scool perhaps. but at home we have allways been quite open for strangers. But i´m adopted in wery young years, beeing bullied in scoll for many years at different periods of life. Or then i´ve just been to sensitive, don´t really know wich. Probably both. Farmers boy, not usually wery hip especcially in the teens. My 3 older sisters with hard oppinions about men and women have left its tracks in my mind forever. Living on the countryside far from nearest, even the smallest town makes the social skills guite handicapped. Don´t wisit my childhood municipal wery much any more, getting to bored by beeing there. Well i couldn´t just easily go somewhere, so i was in younger years much alone. And at last The guy from Turkey was her first true love, at least in her mind. Don´t know about his, but thats not my businness anymore. Just feels like i´ve been livin in a lie those last 5 yrs. Sort of feels like they never happened. And a hard part is that when she made her decicion that affected me to, well she is going to have the opportunity to feel love and affection and i goes here alone and only dreaming about the same things, that i miss. Okay our relationship had gone to a more eweryday realtion. I had probably become boring and gray and could not fill her vision of romance anymore. But well shes about 4 yrs. younger than me and in that sense still closer to the teen ages. I don´t know, nah! It can´t be shes allmoast 29 allready. I din´t know whats in her mind and neither probably does she. More prhaps a 30 yrs crisis combined with a dull relationship. Can only find that solution, she couldn´t give any strong reasons herself for her decission. That sucks! Cause i tend to think on life to much. Thanks for the ansver again. I can´t keep it short. :) Thomas