i'm afraid that that divorced women in generally arab-and sometimes muslim-culture have been social outcasts because of their experiences. they are thus viewed as 'used good' due to the fact that they had been sexually involved with another man. i have noticed tho that young men and women have not had that problem so much anymore as it used to be before.
there's the sociological phenomenon of the 'virgin' being pure and marriable as opposed to ladies who have had bad luck with mates.
lets also remember that this social stigma of divorcees actually follows males the same as females in this present day! it is just as important to notice that the man has been divorced as it is noticed the female's marrital history.
i am inviting all of your ladies and gentlemen to not necessarily overlook the fact that a potential partner has been divorced, but to understand that it happens..and some people have made the sacrifice to face social-rejection because they seek a better way of living! do not push aside men and women who have been divorced just for that reason! take a closer look and let them share their stories and you be the judge of if this person is right for you.
and men.. from me to you, trust that divorced women are not used goods and definitely are not missing parts of their hearts or their ability to love another. it is probably the opposite! see it as a chance to be with someone who knows what and who she wants and if she chooses you that she knows she wants you!
and ladies.. stop seeing yourself as of less value because you are divorced! i would shake every one of your hands if i had the opportunity to applaude you on facing the difficulties that our arab - and sometimes muslim- society has put you thru because of your situation.
please be warned that i am not endorsing divorce. i am endorsing love and acceptance among us. a human is a human with or without virginity, children or an ex-mate.
lets take a closer look at ourselves and criticize all the up-tight ideas that have been implanted into our culture and being and ask why they are there to begin with!
g'luck to all in their search for happiness. may god bless each and every one of you with a life full of joy and love for each other and acceptance and respect for each other's hardships.
Why Women Are Expected To Stay Virgin While Men Are Not?
I'm shocked when i see how men thinks about this issue, i'm virgin, but i hate when men expect from me to stay virgin while they are not?!
being virgin is something i do because i beleive that i'm only for one man, and my reward for him is to be only for him.....but it's not wrong to expect the same from him.
Is this why it's hard for a divorced woman to marry a single person while the opposite is easy?
I need an explanation for my question, and not just any explanation....it's hard to convince me so put some effort guys...
ja vastaus
If you bear in mind that since the very beginning, humanity adopted a patriarchal society model, then you will get an answer to your question .
In the Arabo-islamic culture, that goes back far before even Islam came, when in Jahiliya, they used to kill new born females. ( wa bi Ayee banbin al maoodatoo kotilat).
At that time, bringing up a female was a huge responsibility for the MACHO society, coz it was a risk and a potential shame-bringing ( Al3aar) to the family (getting pregnant) , beside the fact that she did not represent any “added-value” in term of perpetuating the family or the tribe’s name over generations to come.
Then islam came and banned the killing of the new born female and initiated new rules such as banning Azzina (sex out of marriage institution).
The banning of sex out of this marriage institution, for female, tacitly implies and carries an obligation of remaining virgin all the way until married and al mahr can be perceived as some kind of compensation that man has to offer; for male an obligation of abstinence or abstention from sexual intercourse until married, too.
Now, and this is where it becomes tricky, for a man , anatomically speaking it is IMPOSSIBLE to tell whether he is virgin or not, while for a woman, you can easily tell, unfortunately. In other words, men actually manage to get by, just because it cannot be proven that he is not virgin. (sorry guys, lets face it)
Another aspect is men’s fantasy that surrounds virginity, and I would not elaborate on that because it’s personal to everyone of us.
Whether we like it or not, so far, we still live in a patriarchal society model and under men’s rules. It’s, for sure, a non satisfactory answer, that can be seen as selfish from women perspective, but, hey! We live in less than perfect world and we see a lot of unfairness around us everyday. He, who is not happy with, can always try to make a difference. I personally don’t really care about virginity.
Blackrose, thank you for your invitation to post on the forum and hope that I didn’t offend you in anyway by my non convincing answer. When you say that you are only for one man and that you expect that man to be only for you…..you should have added : Starting the day we meet and on. What ever happened before shouldn’t really matter.
erään naisen/ten tilitys/ tilityksiä eräältä ulkomaiselta foorumilta nimeltä arabium.
there's the sociological phenomenon of the 'virgin' being pure and marriable as opposed to ladies who have had bad luck with mates.
lets also remember that this social stigma of divorcees actually follows males the same as females in this present day! it is just as important to notice that the man has been divorced as it is noticed the female's marrital history.
i am inviting all of your ladies and gentlemen to not necessarily overlook the fact that a potential partner has been divorced, but to understand that it happens..and some people have made the sacrifice to face social-rejection because they seek a better way of living! do not push aside men and women who have been divorced just for that reason! take a closer look and let them share their stories and you be the judge of if this person is right for you.
and men.. from me to you, trust that divorced women are not used goods and definitely are not missing parts of their hearts or their ability to love another. it is probably the opposite! see it as a chance to be with someone who knows what and who she wants and if she chooses you that she knows she wants you!
and ladies.. stop seeing yourself as of less value because you are divorced! i would shake every one of your hands if i had the opportunity to applaude you on facing the difficulties that our arab - and sometimes muslim- society has put you thru because of your situation.
please be warned that i am not endorsing divorce. i am endorsing love and acceptance among us. a human is a human with or without virginity, children or an ex-mate.
lets take a closer look at ourselves and criticize all the up-tight ideas that have been implanted into our culture and being and ask why they are there to begin with!
g'luck to all in their search for happiness. may god bless each and every one of you with a life full of joy and love for each other and acceptance and respect for each other's hardships.
Why Women Are Expected To Stay Virgin While Men Are Not?
I'm shocked when i see how men thinks about this issue, i'm virgin, but i hate when men expect from me to stay virgin while they are not?!
being virgin is something i do because i beleive that i'm only for one man, and my reward for him is to be only for him.....but it's not wrong to expect the same from him.
Is this why it's hard for a divorced woman to marry a single person while the opposite is easy?
I need an explanation for my question, and not just any explanation....it's hard to convince me so put some effort guys...
ja vastaus
If you bear in mind that since the very beginning, humanity adopted a patriarchal society model, then you will get an answer to your question .
In the Arabo-islamic culture, that goes back far before even Islam came, when in Jahiliya, they used to kill new born females. ( wa bi Ayee banbin al maoodatoo kotilat).
At that time, bringing up a female was a huge responsibility for the MACHO society, coz it was a risk and a potential shame-bringing ( Al3aar) to the family (getting pregnant) , beside the fact that she did not represent any “added-value” in term of perpetuating the family or the tribe’s name over generations to come.
Then islam came and banned the killing of the new born female and initiated new rules such as banning Azzina (sex out of marriage institution).
The banning of sex out of this marriage institution, for female, tacitly implies and carries an obligation of remaining virgin all the way until married and al mahr can be perceived as some kind of compensation that man has to offer; for male an obligation of abstinence or abstention from sexual intercourse until married, too.
Now, and this is where it becomes tricky, for a man , anatomically speaking it is IMPOSSIBLE to tell whether he is virgin or not, while for a woman, you can easily tell, unfortunately. In other words, men actually manage to get by, just because it cannot be proven that he is not virgin. (sorry guys, lets face it)
Another aspect is men’s fantasy that surrounds virginity, and I would not elaborate on that because it’s personal to everyone of us.
Whether we like it or not, so far, we still live in a patriarchal society model and under men’s rules. It’s, for sure, a non satisfactory answer, that can be seen as selfish from women perspective, but, hey! We live in less than perfect world and we see a lot of unfairness around us everyday. He, who is not happy with, can always try to make a difference. I personally don’t really care about virginity.
Blackrose, thank you for your invitation to post on the forum and hope that I didn’t offend you in anyway by my non convincing answer. When you say that you are only for one man and that you expect that man to be only for you…..you should have added : Starting the day we meet and on. What ever happened before shouldn’t really matter.
erään naisen/ten tilitys/ tilityksiä eräältä ulkomaiselta foorumilta nimeltä arabium.
Vastaukset 1
Vanhimmat
on yksi merkittävä puute mokusuhteissa.