I think I can contribute here and hopefully my story can give the Incels and others here something to consider.
I developed love-shyness at around the age of 13. At the time I certainly met all of the criteria for the DIAGNOSIS of being love shy so elegantly described on this website. I was NOT born love-shy, it developed in me involuntarily. However, I want to make it clear, I wasn’t shy, just love-shy. In other words, I could talk to girls in normal conversations but was simply unable to approach a woman with romantic intent, even in the case of knowing that the result will not be a rejection. I had no problem talking to women but trying any kind of sexual moves filled me with terrible anxiousness and dread. I just couldn’t bring myself to even try. I felt myself inadequate even if I was sure the woman had romantic interest in me. Over the years I have left more women than I can count wondering why I never tried anything with them. Some might have even thought I was “gay” although, I think it is very clear to anyone who has ever met me that I am a straight male.
You have to understand that I turned 13 in 1976. At the time there were no groups to talk to about all this stuff. It was long before the Internet was even invented and at the time, I thought I was alone in my suffering. I had no idea that my condition was called “love-shy” and that others actually suffered the same affliction. I just thought I was a loser and I guess I really was. However my love-shyness didn’t go away as I got older, I stayed that way throughout my 20s. In fact, the older I got, the more difficult it became for me because the older I got, the more experience I was expected to have to be considered “normal” and this only increased my anxiety.
I wasn’t a bad looking guy, I was born to German/English parents and wasn’t ugly or anything like that. I am over 6ft tall, with thick straight blonde hair and blue eyes. I wasn’t fat, in fact, I was slightly skinny, my biggest problem with my looks, if I had one at all, was an inability to gain weight. Women often looked at me with lust in their eyes, flirting with me, trying to talk to me and trying to get me interested in them, trying to get me to go for it. Even when I knew that they were interested, sadly, I just couldn’t do it. The reasons for my love-shyness were varied and are not really the point of my post here so I won’t really go into the reasons for my extreme anxiety but I really did work on overcoming it. It was a very slow process.
However, it certainly wasn’t the lack of a sex drive that caused my problems. I started masturbating when I was only 6 years old. In fact, by the time I turned 13 I was masturbating every single day, often times many times a day. Sometimes all night long! I became very good at satisfying my sexual urges. I could cum many times in one session, most of the time I could cum and cum and cum until I had no more sperm in me, and then I would have several dry orgasms!! Once I found out what sexual kinks excited me the most it was very easy to satisfy myself. I lived in sexual bliss in spite the fact that I had never even touched a woman. Good sex is a combination of mind and body in perfect harmony. To this day I am forever thankful that I found this pure pleasure to get me through my depression over what I thought I was missing in my life.
It wasn’t until the Internet was invented that I found an outlet to overcome my extreme love-shyness. I overcame it by talking to women on-line, practicing sexual intent with them in the privacy of my own bedroom. To them I probably seemed like a normal 30 year old guy. Of course I couldn’t tell them about my sexual past, or lack of one, but during this time I learned how to talk to women in sexual ways. I practiced with 100s of women I met in AOL chat rooms and a few other places on-line. Because I wasn’t face-to-face with them I could reduce my anxiety and I found that chatting was my salvation. I had cyber sex and phone sex with 100s of women, married and single, sharing fantasies over the computer and on the phone and more often than not having orgasms with them. I became very good at bringing women to orgasms over the phone by simply sharing my fantasies with them. Not just a few women but litterally100s of them! For awhile I thought that I could only have phone sex and not real sex. However, slowly my extreme anxiety subsided but it took me well into my 30s before I could even ask a woman on a DATE in real life, and eventually I was able to kiss a woman. This was a huge advance for me. I will never forget my first kiss, I was 35 years old!! I eventually advanced enough to finally lose my virginity shortly after my 36th birthday. My virginity was a secret and a shame I kept very well hidden. I’m certain many of you reading this are thinking what a loser I am, what a fool I must have been and some of you might not be able to relate to my experience, especially those of you who are Incels. Some of you might ev
I developed love-shyness at around the age of 13. At the time I certainly met all of the criteria for the DIAGNOSIS of being love shy so elegantly described on this website. I was NOT born love-shy, it developed in me involuntarily. However, I want to make it clear, I wasn’t shy, just love-shy. In other words, I could talk to girls in normal conversations but was simply unable to approach a woman with romantic intent, even in the case of knowing that the result will not be a rejection. I had no problem talking to women but trying any kind of sexual moves filled me with terrible anxiousness and dread. I just couldn’t bring myself to even try. I felt myself inadequate even if I was sure the woman had romantic interest in me. Over the years I have left more women than I can count wondering why I never tried anything with them. Some might have even thought I was “gay” although, I think it is very clear to anyone who has ever met me that I am a straight male.
You have to understand that I turned 13 in 1976. At the time there were no groups to talk to about all this stuff. It was long before the Internet was even invented and at the time, I thought I was alone in my suffering. I had no idea that my condition was called “love-shy” and that others actually suffered the same affliction. I just thought I was a loser and I guess I really was. However my love-shyness didn’t go away as I got older, I stayed that way throughout my 20s. In fact, the older I got, the more difficult it became for me because the older I got, the more experience I was expected to have to be considered “normal” and this only increased my anxiety.
I wasn’t a bad looking guy, I was born to German/English parents and wasn’t ugly or anything like that. I am over 6ft tall, with thick straight blonde hair and blue eyes. I wasn’t fat, in fact, I was slightly skinny, my biggest problem with my looks, if I had one at all, was an inability to gain weight. Women often looked at me with lust in their eyes, flirting with me, trying to talk to me and trying to get me interested in them, trying to get me to go for it. Even when I knew that they were interested, sadly, I just couldn’t do it. The reasons for my love-shyness were varied and are not really the point of my post here so I won’t really go into the reasons for my extreme anxiety but I really did work on overcoming it. It was a very slow process.
However, it certainly wasn’t the lack of a sex drive that caused my problems. I started masturbating when I was only 6 years old. In fact, by the time I turned 13 I was masturbating every single day, often times many times a day. Sometimes all night long! I became very good at satisfying my sexual urges. I could cum many times in one session, most of the time I could cum and cum and cum until I had no more sperm in me, and then I would have several dry orgasms!! Once I found out what sexual kinks excited me the most it was very easy to satisfy myself. I lived in sexual bliss in spite the fact that I had never even touched a woman. Good sex is a combination of mind and body in perfect harmony. To this day I am forever thankful that I found this pure pleasure to get me through my depression over what I thought I was missing in my life.
It wasn’t until the Internet was invented that I found an outlet to overcome my extreme love-shyness. I overcame it by talking to women on-line, practicing sexual intent with them in the privacy of my own bedroom. To them I probably seemed like a normal 30 year old guy. Of course I couldn’t tell them about my sexual past, or lack of one, but during this time I learned how to talk to women in sexual ways. I practiced with 100s of women I met in AOL chat rooms and a few other places on-line. Because I wasn’t face-to-face with them I could reduce my anxiety and I found that chatting was my salvation. I had cyber sex and phone sex with 100s of women, married and single, sharing fantasies over the computer and on the phone and more often than not having orgasms with them. I became very good at bringing women to orgasms over the phone by simply sharing my fantasies with them. Not just a few women but litterally100s of them! For awhile I thought that I could only have phone sex and not real sex. However, slowly my extreme anxiety subsided but it took me well into my 30s before I could even ask a woman on a DATE in real life, and eventually I was able to kiss a woman. This was a huge advance for me. I will never forget my first kiss, I was 35 years old!! I eventually advanced enough to finally lose my virginity shortly after my 36th birthday. My virginity was a secret and a shame I kept very well hidden. I’m certain many of you reading this are thinking what a loser I am, what a fool I must have been and some of you might not be able to relate to my experience, especially those of you who are Incels. Some of you might ev
Vastaukset 2
Vanhimmat
y me for being so attractive to girls but yet too inept to take what I could easily get, if not for my own fears and anxieties.
However, once I finally had real sex, it wasn’t nearly as good as I expected it to be. Like most things that you can’t have, I had built it up in my mind how totally awesome it would be, so when I finally got it for real, it was a big let down to what I always dreamed it would be like. At first I thought that my inexperience was the reason it wasn’t as good as I had hoped. I figured that I was rather clumsy and with a little practice it would become more fulfilling but that didn’t turn out to be true. For awhile I thought that if I just got a hotter girl that I would be satisfied. But I tried with several women who I found extremely attractive, trying desperately to find fulfillment in it but I finally came to the conclusion that masturbating was just so much more satisfying than the real thing. In my imagination I only have to DEAL with the best parts of sex. It wasn’t until I had a real girlfriend that I realized how much shit I had to deal with. Not only the fact that I had to do sexual things to satisfy her that did nothing for me but also having to deal with the nagging women, the insecurities women have, the emotional swings women go through, etc… etc… etc…. In my mind, women are always perfect, just the way I want them to be but in real life, they are real people with real problems and I don’t like having to deal with them. In my fantasies they are always ready for sex, always doing and saying exactly what excites me but in real life, they are not like that at all. I don’t blame women for this, its not their fault that they can’t live up to my fantasies, I mean, how could they?
Some might find this kinda funny and strange but I came to a couple of conclusions. First, I enjoyed masturbation much more than I enjoyed actual sex, and second, that girlfriends are a pain in the butt. I get nothing out of cuddling with them after sex. I get nothing out of spending my money on them. I get nothing out of DATING or living with them, sharing a bathroom and the companionship I got from them. Frankly, I found them uninteresting to spend time with, selfish, tiresome and I generally was happier when I broke up with them. I am much happier hanging out with guy friends than hanging out with girlfriends. I guess I can just relate to men better. I have no interest in raising children and playing house with women. To me, they are like a totally different species than guys are. To be completely honest, I lost interest in playing the game. I was like a dog who always wanted a bone because I only imagined how wonderful it would be, only to find out that when I finally got one, I didn’t like the way it tasted. I have tried many different kinds of bones and didn’t really like any of them and I had to do far too much to get them. By the time I hit 45 years old I decided to give up on women and sexual relationships.
I also realized that because I didn’t waste money and time on women, that I became much more successful financially. I have much more spare time to do things I enjoy. I could afford to buy a nice house and a nice car, I had money in the bank and invested it and was able to build it up to the point that I can now retire and live off of my investments. I just turned 50 this year and I have quit my job, bought a boat and an RV and lots of really cool toys. I can satisfy myself, I don’t need women for sex or companionship. I stopped wasting my time playing the game of relationships. I am now calmer, happier, less stressful than anytime in my life. I have friends that I can do things with and If I really want real sex I can still get it relatively easily but the truth is, I don’t want it. I guess I’m just better at satisfying myself than I am satisfying others. I still masturbate often and still enjoy it. My fantasies blow doors on anything any woman can give me and every type of woman I can imagine is at my fingertips on millions of porn sites that can easily excite me. Also, I like being able to have a variety of woman depending on my moods and desires. Call me shallow, call me narrow and abnormal all you want, but just make sure you call me happy too, because I truly am.
My advice to the Involuntary celibate men out there is simply this: sex is really not worth the time or effort. Don’t make yourself miserable trying to get someone who you might find you really didn’t want in the first place. I urge you to master self love because once you find your sexual kinks, it is the most satisfying sex I have ever found. I do believe that most women are rather selfish and self absorbed, but I can’t really blame them because so am I! Further, I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. Don’t be an Incel, be a Vcel (voluntary celibate) because the real thing will never be able to live up to your fantasies. If you want a kid then by all means find a woman and have one or adopt one, if you can st
https://caamib.wordpress.com/what-is-love-shyness/
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