my husband's daughter has been living with us for 4 years since she was ten, at that time she has the problem of escaping from school, hanging with bad girls and boys, school grade is poor, her mother totally lost control of her. then she move to us and we got single custody, her biggest problem has been lie, jelousy and greedy. we have been taken her with us living abroad for almost 3 and half year and try to get her back to the right track. now we move back for few months, and grandmother start to distroy our family rules and support the girl to against me. grandmother has told the girl that she likes her mother, does not like me, the girl has spreaded this word to my family too. and every time my husband's ex has some issue concerning their daughter, she never discuss with her father directly, she always called to grandmother, then grandmother pass the words, ( I dont know it is still the original words or grandmother has added her decision there, I guess it is the later one from my 6 years experence with grandmother). we have tried to explain to grandmother what is our thinking and how we are educating out kids, because we still have 3 other kids home, but i only got load of shit from her. I knew finnish women are strong, but is that a common that somebody insist to put her hands into other's life, to take others role as a parents? if I did anything wrong, I think there are social service to judge, the person who is taking care of the girl become a bad person, i wonder where are all the good persons? her mother did not pay any support money, and seldom to contact her, meet her every summer, and grandmother only take her some weekend, i am taking care of her daily issues all most all the time. if they dont satisfied with me, why not take her away from me? if she use to be the only child for my husband, and the only grandchild for his mother, but now we have the other two. does his mother really want us to divorce so that she can take control of his son as she want? does she want her son live like her, marry several times, then change parterner every year? i totally lost in Finnish culture, is this real finnish culture that if grandmother is not satisfied with daughter in law, she can do whatever she want to her son and grandchild?
P.S, i am not the person who broke his previous marriage, when i met my husband,his ex has married second time and have the second kids already. and his ex has been trying to screw our marriage by using their daughter.
help me to think, what is wrong in our family now. if this situation goes on, her mother's behavior will finally break our family into pieces.
P.S, i am not the person who broke his previous marriage, when i met my husband,his ex has married second time and have the second kids already. and his ex has been trying to screw our marriage by using their daughter.
help me to think, what is wrong in our family now. if this situation goes on, her mother's behavior will finally break our family into pieces.
Vastaukset 4
Vanhimmat
with your husband of this issue and it´s really his problem to get his mother out from your life and destroying yours and this husband doughters life.
And no, not Finnish culture this, only that womans culture if I can see.
Speak with your man and make him do somethimg about this problem before it destroys your marriage.
Really would hope that you and your family would not have such a person there in your life, hope that you could move somwhere else to get a distance to that kind of a person.
Cannot say anything else but I´m sorry for you to handle this kind of life just now.
Hope U the best.
this girl's issue has been our problem since we got married. we moved out of Finland for 3 years that is my last step at that time to save my marriage, and in past 3 and half years abroad, distance helped us. she has changed alot. we teach her to respect the other's money, dont get greedy,learn to say 'no' when she does not need anything but other's offer, learn to be a good example sister at home, stop lie, even still she made some stupid mistake at school, but her school grade getting much better than before. in last 3 years we only visit Finland one month in summer, so there is not much chance for her mother and grandmother to inflence her. now immediately when we move back, her mother has been bullshit to social service that i am violance to her daughter but her daughter denied at social service, i am not so stupid that I dont understand the sensitive relationship to even touch her!! then comes grandmother want to spoil her without respect our family rules, then tell me and demostrate with the girl together that she can standup to against me, to against our family rule.
i have many times talked with my husband, he understood my point and fully agree on it, but he just can not persuade to be strong to his mother, last time we were together taking with his mother, then his mother gave me load of shit, but he just keep silence, that also makes me sad and feel lonely. sometimes i am just thinking why i need to care so much, why not just let it be?! but when i think I have the other 3 daughter home, it is unfair to others and it is very bad example to them, especailly i have one 12 year old daughter, well behavior on family rule, when she ask me why the other could break the rule and i dont do anything, I can only say that she is not my kid, so i can not do anything. from my deep heart i hate to say that, but whatelse I can explain?
I can also understand my husband's situation, he knew his mother's action is purely using the kids to against me, there is no any sense of responsibility, but he get use to his mother's pressure, as on his ex. issue. he just can not stand up for our family. he went today to try to talk to his mother again, I think I can guess the result, but at least he tried, i do appreciate this. it is not easy for our marriage to go so far, and i am in great pressure at this moment to take care of 4 kids, cooking home, try to finish my master study, and we have the home renovation going on at the same time, if his mother or ex want to destroy our family, this is their best chance.
Your message is so hard to read. It like William Faulkner's text: million words before a comma or any kind of chapter separation. One gets lost along the lines.
your english is pretty good, even though there's many mistakes. that was kinda boring to read, like, your point was kinda unclear ;s learn arrange the subjects to the same places, not like that you talk about something, then you talk about a different thing and then you talk about something again. just a tip. and okay, i'm trying to be the best at english but.. seriously. lol, i mean... i'm so annoyed.