Jähmettynyt suhde = tuomioon tuhottu suhde?

On aika monta erilaista mahdollisuutta sille miksi mies ei oikein sano mitään suhteen tulevaisuudesta.

Ensimmäinen mahdollisuus on se että mies ei vain yksinkertaisesti tiedä itsekään mitä suhteelta haluaa ja odottaa. Hänen omat suunnitelmansakaan eivät ole niin selvät että antaisivat suuntaa sille minnne mennä. Siksi on helpompi vain katsoa minne suhde menee itsestään. Tietysti tästä tulee myös se vaikutelma että
miehen tunteet eivät ole niin vahvat että nekään antaisivat riittävän sykäyksen eteenpäinmenoon.

Toinen mahdollisuus on se että miehen suunnitelmat ovat niin erilaiset kuin sinulla että hän ei oikein uskalla tuoda niitä ilmi koska pelkää että suhde loppuu siihen. Hän ei ehkä halua koskaan lapsia, ei usko avioliittoon tms. Siksi on helpompi vain olla ja katsoa pystyisikö vaikeita ratkausuja vielä lykkäämään tulevaisuuteen.

Voi myös olla että miehellä ei ole kuitenkaan oikein tarkaa käsitystä siitä mitä sinä suhteelta haluat ja kuinka valmis olet meneään eteenpäin. Siksi hän voi olla epävarma tekemään suuria ehdotuksia yhteisestä tulevaisuudestanne.

Ihan oikeasti et saa syytä selville kuin oikein vakavalla keskustelulla jossa et vain hyväksy vastausta "en mä oikein tiedä..."!

Yhden parisuhdeoppaan vinkkejä:

Step 1) The Primer

Start a conversation with him on a fun,
positive note. Maybe tell him a story about
something you both enjoyed in the past, or
compliment him on something you know he prides
himself on. But make sure you give him some sort
of “ego stroke.” And I’m not saying that you should
praise a guy if he doesn’t deserve it, but if you’re
interested in a future with a guy there’s got to be
something real that you appreciate about him,
right?
Complimenting him and telling him that you’re
happy and content with how things are with him
right now will put him into a receptive state and
create an open and positive context for everything
that follows.
This is the "starter" for the conversation that
will build an entirely positive context, and it might
seem like something you could skip, but it's actually
the most important step. To do this, you might
start by telling him about how much you enjoy
spending time with him, and you can remind him of
the great times you've had. The idea is ALL about
setting the right mood so a guy becomes positive,
comfortable, and opens up.
And I'm sure you know how guys get when
you start talking about issues, problems, intense
emotions, etc. Men become babies and shut down.
Don't make that happen here, it's too important.
Even if you're having a tough time because he's
done something to hurt you lately, you're interested
in him for a reason, so try to remember those
things.
You can't drive a conversation with all the "negative" things—it never works that way.
Not with men, not with anybody.
A good Primer may go something like this:
“I’ve really enjoyed all the time we’ve spent
together in the last (insert amount of time here). I
feel relaxed around you because you are such a
great listener and you’re always so positive.
Remember that time we spent at your uncle’s
condo on the beach? I’ll never forget how much fun
I had with you.”

Step 2) Casual Introduction

This is the first step into “where things are
going.” But instead of springing "the talk" on him
like most women do, keep talking about positives,
the good things, the things you want to continue
that are WORKING. If you don't have too many of
these things, think harder. You're interested in a
future with this guy for some reason, right? But
don't just compliment him. Make sure it's about
BOTH of you, and how you are together, not just
about him.
You’re goal here in this step is to get HIM to
think and start communicating about the
relationship and the good things ahead in the
future. You’re helping him build the bridge.
*Important Word of Caution Here...
If you can't come up with too much positive
stuff that you've done recently or that you've both
enjoyed, you might want to think about that and
the timing of your "talk.”
Is this the right time and the right place? aybe you already know something about the
guy and "where things are at", but you aren't
acknowledging it to yourself. Remember that you're
not here to try and "convince" a man to want or
feel something. That's a losing battle that will
certainly fail and cause you heartbreak. Make sure
you've thought things all the way through about
what YOU want and if he'll really make you happy,
or if you want to change him into someone he isn’t.
Trying to change or convince in ANY form is
NOT a part of this conversation.
If you find yourself doing either, step back,
relax and be smart and positive. Stay focused on
the REALITY of the situation, not what you want it
to be. Think about the positive nature of the ideal
relationship you're looking for and speak from that
place and feeling.
Then say, “It’s fascinating to me how men
and women can come from such different places
when it comes to dating and relationships. It seems
that on one hand, they want the same things, but
on the other, they’re at odds with what they want.
But that’s fine with me. I don’t expect everyone to
think the same way I do.”
This opens up the conversation in a non-
confrontational way about the concept of
relationships without him reading into it. You don’t
want him to feel any negative pressure or
emotional intensity here so he remains open and
receptive while thinking about the subject.
He may be curious about what you meant and
may ask you to explain. He may even ask you
where YOU think things are going or what they
should mean, but if he does the energy is shifted to where he is the one trying to get you to talk about
it, instead of the other way around.

Step 3) Applying Positive Strokes

Then tell him, “You know, I’ve really enjoyed
spending time with you. And it’s possible we may
not be seeing things eye-to-eye for where things
are going or what they mean—because that’s often
what happens with men and women—but that’s ok
with me right now.”

Step 4) Non-Situational Honesty

Tell him, “You know, I’ve known for a long
time that I want a relationship that (explain your
ideals about what would make a great relationship
for you here).”
Of course it’s up to you to talk about the ideal
relationship you want, but there’s a HUGE mistake
you need to avoid in this step.
Do NOT start talking about how what you
have now isn't what you want or that you NEED to
have this ideal relationship with him right now.
Avoid doing this because if you make this mistake it
will change the ENTIRE nature and context of the
conversation, and odds are the guy will change his
mood, it will close his desire to listen and share
with you in half a second flat.

Step 5) Active Listening

Listen to the conversation without any
resistance. When you do this, men instantly sense
it and become more caring, more attentive, and
more interested in what YOU want. Best of all for
you, they will talk MUCH more honestly about
where they’re at and what they want. Getting him to be honest and truthful about
what HE is looking for, without influencing him, is
one of the first things you need to do if you’re
interested in more than “dating.” It’s the key to
identifying men and learning when and how to
create a relationship that will last.
It blows men away when they first experience
this kind of open and honest communication about
the future and a relationship with a woman. Men
almost can’t believe it, and they instantly see you
as someone unique, rare, and “cool.” It’s the kind
of communication they’ve secretly wished they
could have with a woman but could never find.
Creating this open, pressure free kind of
communication makes you VERY attractive to a
man and makes him connect the idea of “freedom”
he holds so dear in his life to a lasting relationship
with you.